“We all have scars of some type or another. My point is, we don’t have to stay wounded.”
Being born in America to Jamaican parents, was interesting. Life wasn’t easy, as my parents did their best to make it here in “the land of opportunity.” I love my Jamaican roots. I am also darn proud to be born in America. All countries have their good & their bad. America’s no different. But one of the most important things I love about America, is that the “Underdog,” can win! It takes work, but you can better yourself. Without a college degree; I began reading at a highschool level, since the age of 3 – I was a different child, writing Haiku’s at the age of 5, smart – and even had a stammering issue. I received my GED (scored a 272 – imagine if I had known I could’ve done better), but never found school interesting enough. I went on to educate myself through life experiences and certifications in areas of interest. I started and founded a magazine, own two licensed businesses, and I keep myself as knowledgeable as possible. Being born with disabilities, wasn’t a proper excuse in my home. One thing my parents did show me, was how to never give up, even if they couldn’t figure out or face many things themselves. They were a damaged people, but PROUD of being Jamaican, and being able to live in America. They accomplished as much as they could. I recall my mother asking me to get a college degree before she passed – as she had many. I didn’t have any interest in it, but had to let her know, that I also had dyscalculia (a learning disability in math – like dyslexia). I reminded her of the spankings she gave me, for writing my letters backwards, as Little Max saw “5′” as an “S,” “d’ and “p” looked the same, “7’s” and “F’s” looked alike, and the “3’s” kept looking like unfinished “8’s.” She was shocked, because my mother with all her degrees, being an RN, very, very educated, didn’t know that I had a learning disability, nor that I had been abused, by the very same family members she sponsored here to America, for a very longtime. I figured she was still dealing with the abuse from my father – towards both of us and my older sister, that it didn’t cross her mind. She detached, to survive…
Retraining the brain to learn properly became a game for me and still serves me well. I took my disability and became AWESOME at editing & proofreading. I usually spot typographical errors very quickly. I also have a semi-photographic memory, again being abused, taught me to hone in on my perception skills QUICKLY, in order to survive. This is another thing that I love about America. You learn here, like it or not. Knowledge is indeed infinite. There’s no excuse to stay “dumb,” or think that you’re so “smart,” that you’re above everyone else. What you should do? Is to try to better yourself for yourself, with the tools you have. If you can increase upon that as well? Go for it and be open to learning new things. I am able to hold my own in any setting, for I have knowledge of self. But I also know how to seek it and to educate myself. Now with modern technology? We’re ALL a genius, and our phones are smarter than we are ...
It goes back to what type of “human” being we wish to become, remain, and be… Degrees and all, jobs and all, big houses, fancy cars, rich and having money, like the stars…But what type of individual you are…Matters. If you look at it in biblical terms, when people gain the world, but lose their souls…What are we left with? Education is important, I’m saying don’t limit yourself to thinking that’s all there is or there’s only one way to learn. We’re Creatives, lol! How can there be any limits??? 🤣🤣😂😂🥰
I’ve had people throw their degrees in my face, as if it would cause me to run and hide, lol! It will not. Be proud of your accomplishments people. But they’re your accomplishments, not mine. They won’t hold the same value to me as they do to you and that’s okay. I recognize them, give you kudos for achievements, and life goes on. How are we so bound to being “Educated,” that people feed into classissms, when everyday we’re being shown new things, uncovering new discoveries, what you learned becomes obsolete…Even people with big degrees, lost their jobs, money, way of life, and more during COVID-19, leveling the playing field, as the scholar’s started driving Uber & Lyft to make ends meet…Education is vital, so please don’t misunderstand me. I’m simply saying it’s needed, but there’s many ways to gain knowledge.
Because being born in the USA taught me that I can still accomplish so much. Be seekers of knowledge. Many discard what they don’t understand or what doesn’t fit into the “norm,” when Creativity is where the lack of normalcy thrives. I had to be a Poet, lol! Because the capacity in which my brain works and processes information needed an outlet. My brain gets flooded with information, like a computerized device. I quickly access, make files and subfolders within it, and continue learning. How I learn, reminds me of a type of Asperger’s Syndrome. Do I have this? No, not all the symptoms apply to me. But I’m aware that there’s a disconnect in areas of mathematics, emotions, and feelings. More than likely due to physical & mental trauma – I’ve had people mistake my reactions to things often...
I had a former website developer curse me out, because I didn’t get as emotionally heated as he did, due to an error I made – even though I tried reaching him constantly beforehand. He felt I didn’t care, undermined his process & was livid. I firstly can’t afford to raise my blood pressure (I have extensive hypertension – my pressure is usually 146/90 – I’m going to remain as cool as a cucumber 🤣), The angrier he got, the calmer I became. I also know how to calm myself when others get angry, especially men – due to whatever reasons, as my upbringing taught me well. But I can disconnect my emotions very, very easily & quickly, and be prepared for the attack, while continuing on with business as usual, because the works must be done. I’ve laughed at funerals, because I saw things differently, and cry when or where others may not. I’m also the person who can be walking down the street, hear a song that I love and just start dancing, or cry full of joy, watching children at play. I miss tree-hugging, and earth grounding, but I still chant to myself, play my Zen music, and burn my sage, and derive much joy from Nature. I don’t worry about things like I used to. Why? Because if I do, what can I do about it, other than what I’m already doing, which is loving myself, life, and bettering me. I help others, because it not only seems right, it’s the better option in life, in my opinion.
Yes, it would have been much easier to not have grown up in a dysfunctional family, not having been abused for so long or horribly, if I hadn’t become dysfunctional as well, wasn’t born with physical illnesses, wasn’t homeless by the age of 12, had figured out the madness earlier – and had the tools & capacity to change it, or if I had the huge house, with a white picket fence, and a dog named Rufus, blah! blah! blah!🤣…That wasn’t my life. Instead, being beaten from within the womb, and reminding my parents that I was a stain in their existence, being sexually tortured by my own family, until it pulled me from a sense of self…was the road-mapped assignment. These things leaves scars, it damages souls, it warps people. So, a part of my purpose, is to change that. How? By changing myself. Why? Because there’s a whole lot of life out here to live & EVERY breath is worth it. I no longer have the time & energy to keep being someones victim.😉
Well Maxwanette, how do you do it? Lol! I wish I had a quick solution, but I don’t. It takes time and work. And trust me, it’s not always fun, ice cream and balloons. But it’s worth the efforts. I try to do as much good as possible, whenever possible. I embrace a more positive outlook on life and existing. We owe it to ourselves and each other to be happy, and to set a firmer foundation for ourselves, youths, and humanity *”HAPPYNESS MATTERS!” Stop getting caught up in the rhetoric, learn how to unlearn, and deprogram yourself from the negativity, no matter if you’re rich or poor, black or white, a scholar or not, no matter who you are, right where you are…YOU CAN CHANGE THINGS. Why? Because my Dears “YOU ARE *UNDEFEATABLE!” Change that mindset, and watch how your view of yourself, life, and others follow.
If I could go back in time & speak to Little Max, I’d whisper gently in my ear “Stay focused & ignore the background noise.”😉😘🥰
*Poem By Maxwanette A Poetess
🌹🌎”We’re All In This Thing Called Life, TOGETHER…Remember? Namasté & One Love.”🌏🌹